Of course, the people that it was destined to reach are a government-run outsourced nightmare of bureaucracy and stupidity so I thought it would be them at first. Alas, they had not received the paperwork so it was most likely to be a fault on our end.

The complete lack of information on who to call and talk to in this place is just mind boggling. I had to ask two different people before I could find the wrong person that just happened to know who the paperwork had gone.

They had to call me back because there was much walking and discussing to happen. I’m sure there’s Tolkien-esque paragraphs I could write about the rage that boiled inside me.  I won’t, I hate Tolkien.

I will say that I was physically twitching and feeling decidedly unwell with rage. And lo, it was solved! I got a call from RR, the wonderfully sweet young lady that is the Executive Assistant to someone incredibly important far up the chain. As the fires of anger raged within my gut, my heart and mind were instantly calmed. I can’t explain it, I couldn’t yell at such a Nice Young Lady. Her sweet voice was the music to the beast within.

As it stands, I got paid enough to pay rent and have splash cash, and I should have the rest by the end of the week. Sigh.

Repeat after me: The address bar’s history is NOT your bookmark folder!
Thanks,

yale.

—–Original Message—–
From: Julius Vailes [mailto:Julius-assolato@leeegs.demon.nl]
Sent: Monday, 11 May 2009 10:06 AM
To: [deleted]
Subject: $WordFile{click.txt}

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After a second or so of blank stare, she said “yeah, that’s right, have a good night!”

I’m a fucking JEDI!

I’ve got too much experience for a low level job, and not enough for high level? Great. And I’m working in a casual job so I can’t really afford to study. Yay.

Sigh.

“Keep your hopes up, something will come soon.”

“You just need more self confidence, that’ll help.”

“Get over it.”

Phrases that surely sound good to those that say them, but do not help AT ALL the person they’re said to.

Fuck.

I’m going to start applying for slightly-less-smelling-like-garlic shitkicker jobs, prodding more people at random and hoping for the best. This hasn’t worked so far, but others are saying to keep doing it, so on with the poking.

In other news, I’m looking for a business to start. There’s a couple of ideas, but most of them involve knowledge I don’t have, working with other people or saving up (or spending some of my recent insurance payout which should go on a car) to buy equipment.

Uh, google reader is interesting. I’m going to try it out for a while, never really got the hang of feed reader programs because I couldn’t find a good online one. I live on at least two different PC’s, so a a local program doesn’t work unless it syncs somehow – yeah, right.

I’ll probably keep quiet about my plans for businesses so you sneaky bastards on the internet don’t steal them, but once things are going I’ll try to document as much of my (hopefully) success story as I can

That’s enough for me now, bye

I drive pizzas to your house. Please understand if you’re doing about 10km/h on the major feeder roads around your area, driving like a complete idiot and stopping every ten meters, it’s going to take longer for someone to get their pizza. Tomorrow night it might be you!

Please take heart, and drive like a normal person

In Excel the Edit Find facility is malfunctioning. Sometimes it finds the word being looked for and sometimes not. Could you please see if there is anything you can do to fix this issue for us?

Ok, I can see that it’s just user error, but this is what happens on my day off. Ugh.

When I provide you with numerous solutions, do not say “that’s not what I want to do” because there’s only so many ways I can stop your Blackberry’s email inbox filling up.

Ta,
yale.

When we ask for a short (six-line maximum) biography/intro for our published forum program, please send us LESS than six lines on an average page. Sending us a page and a half does not make us put it all in – and we’ll send it right back.

Thanks,
James.

“Extreme weather, low pressure (90km wind gusts) makes flying in and out interesting.”

This from a guy that’s just flown into a tiny country town in a light plane? Love it.

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you…
You have been connected to Brian J.

• Brian J: Hello, how may I help you?
• Customer: Hi, I was just wondering what the different backup solutions offered with the dedicated servers actually were
• Customer: you list network backup or discsync, what’s the difference?
• Brian J: Disksync is automated and much more user friendly.
• Brian J: You can set it up to automatically run as frequent as you prefer.
• Brian J: NAS is space in a seperate storage array you would have to copy and send the data to when you would like to save.
• Customer: so the network backup is nas space allocated to us, disksync uses an automated agent?
• Brian J: Correct
• Customer: and what does disksync require on the server, a username/password setup on ftp or ssh?
• Brian J: Neither its a GUI agent installed on the user console
• Customer: I’m a little lost
• Brian J: Using a simple GUI interface, you can manage all aspects of your backup and recovery including data retention periods, backup schedules, and data restoration.
• Customer: yes, but how does it access the server assuming I’m going to change firewall rules and services running on the server I intend to setup?
• Customer: (I’m looking at a bare bsd/centos box)
• Brian J: The firewall rules would have no effect on Discsync
• Customer: how does it access the server?
• Customer: assuming it doesn’t traverse the network (which you seem to be implying by saying the firewall rules will not effect it)
• Brian J: Through the agent console installed on the box
• Customer: never mind, found the information
• Customer: you’re incorrect by the way – firewall rules would actually cause problems if they weren’t correct
• Customer: refer to your company’s faq on http://forums.theplanet.com/index.php?showtopic=83882
• Customer: goodbye.

Your session has ended. You may now close this window.

If I tell you to click continue, you don’t need to confirm with me twice to make sure I’m completely sure. Please just click the damn button.

Thanks,
James.

When told to call back if the drivers don’t install, don’t wait six days and then call us. When you’re told that it’ll take a few days for us to send you a modem, don’t start whining and tell me that it’s urgent and you need one straight away – you’re no more special than the many other people that have these faults every day.

James.

You have admitted that you don’t know anything about computers. Based on the fact that I do know a lot about computers, please trust me and attempt to answer my carefully worded and relatively easy questions. Things like “what colour is the button in the bottom left of your screen that says start on it” or “what colour is the box in your hand” can be answered by most monkeys after a small amount of training, so you should be able to do it after a couple of goes.

Thanks,
James.

Arguing with me over the fact that I am required to send a technician to fix your ADSL will get you nowhere. When you continue to argue and I tell you that the other option is that I could just close the case and not send a tech, don’t whinge more.

Thanks,

James

“What comes up when you open Internet Explorer?”
“2003e, the Authentication host was unreachable.”
“… what does the blue bar across the top say?”
“Bigpond Cable Login Client ver..”
“… Is that Internet Explorer? No. It’s not. Can you open Internet Explorer for me please?”

Dear customers,
 
If you are 70 years old, don’t know anything about computers and are too blind to read things on the front of your modem, please get a friend to come and help you when you have issues.
 
Thanks,
James.

Find out from someone else how to right-click, cause IVE GOT BETTER THINGS TO BE DOING WITH MY TIME.

P.S. If I’m asking you to read something, turn the lights on, or find a freakin’ torch, don’t just tell me it’s too dark and you can’t read it!